RAPE

Not an alien word, or something unheard of! We’ve seen the use of this word growing in our daily lives, thanks to the increasing number of this “crime” against women of all age.

The crime statistics rolled out by National Crime Record Bureau (NCRB) for the year 2016…. states the obvious that India – rural and urban alike – is becoming unsafe for women. A total of 338,000 incidents of crime against women were recorded in 2016 against the total of 329,000 crimes against women in 2015. Rape, the most horrendous crime against women too has seen a surge as a total of 38,947 rapes were reported in 2016, compared to 34,651 in 2015. (Source:https://m.indiatimes.com/news/india/926-assaults-on-women-take-place-every-day-in-india-and-these-10-states-record-most-crimes-365439.html)

Not something new, right? We don’t really need the above data to know just how much the women of our country suffer in terms of abuse.

And the perpetrator of that abuse? Men! That’s what we all think. But the truth is, it is not only men who abuse or harass a women.

https://www.instagram.com/tv/Bw619dMlwws/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=10bvh8fqec06e

So apparently, there are women too who harass other women. Because wearing “short clothes” or “revealing too much of legs” makes one vulnerable and prone to being raped! We live in a country that not only boasts of it’s moral & ethnic values, but also celebrates diversity in culture. Developing and growing alongside the different countries of the world, India has undergone change in her outlook, perspective and the way of life. Living in the 21st century, we proudly acclaim that we are “modern”, yet somewhere still nurture some “old fashioned” ideals.

Moral policing on the way one dress’s, eat’s or react’s is a common trend. All of us, at some point, do judge each other on one or the other factor. But how can we think that having the right to speech and expression guaranteed to us, we are entitled to make derogatory remarks towards another person? How is it justified? Why do we take it upon ourselves to reduce a person’s self-worth based on the way they dress? And what gives anyone the RIGHT to justify RAPE as being the victim’s fault?

Why is RAPE normalised citing the following reasons?

  • Wrong dress/not fully covered
  • Staying out late
  • Being friend’s / hanging out with boys
  • Travelling alone
  • Too much make-up, and what not!

I also agree, that the way those girls handled the women in the video was not right, because “an eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind”.

  • Body shaming her was not cool.
  • Threatening her on getting raped due to her “tight clothes” was not cool.
  • Stooping down to her level to make her apologise wasn’t cool!

But that Women, and all others who share her thoughts need to understand this too:

Making derogatory remarks on the way people dress is absolutely NOT COOL!

Telling someone they deserve to be RAPED beacuse of the way they dress is unpardonable!

You say such things and you will be abashed, irrespective of your age or gender! People need to learn to keep their thoughts to themselves and keep their mouth shut if they cannot abstain from making such comments.

*Need of the hour – learn to live and let “others live peacefully” even if there’s no peace in your life or in your “brain“!

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Respect!

There are things that you earn in life- Respect being one of them!

One cannot stand on a pedestal, surrounded by a crowd and ask (read command) to be Respected by all. That’s Dictatorship!

Respect, like love, is a two-way thing! It works in “I will respect you if you give me respect” way. Not the other way round where only “I respect you and you don’t”.

It also involves “hard work”. One has to constantly improve their way of working with people, their communication and their behaviour. We humans have a gift for understanding words that are unspoken. We can feel and sense. With this, we can realise through the action of others how the other person treats us. And it is common human nature, to treat others the way they treat us.

You shout, I shout. End of discussion. Learning to control our emotions is a difficult task, which not all of us can master.

But Respect, also like love, is free. It costs nothing to smile, to say kind words, to show the other that he is equal. And that is all that the world needs!

When people outgrow people…

Imagine this. You start talking to someone, both of you get comfortable. Chats continue, calls increase, yet of course you’re both just friends. But slowly, talking to each other becomes a habit rather than an effort. You wait each day for that one call or text from them to start giving them a minute-to-minute go-by of the day and vice-versa.

But one day, suddenly things change. You can’t exactly put a finger on what went wrong, but calls stop. So do the texts. You want to talk, but the thought that he/she might be busy stops you from making that random call/text. So you wait. But soon you realise that call’s not coming. Then comes the anxiety, the worry, the stress and the loneliness.

But never in a million times, did one would think or consider the possibility that the other person just didn’t want to continue that pattern of regular correspondence. Because for them, things may have changed. That being-in-touch regularly might not hold any interest for them anymore. In other words, they might simply have outgrown you. Nope, no reason, no explanation. Nada! You simply have to accept that, and then get on with your life. It’s not easy, because one of you did prioritise the other. But holding on to that thought is only going to hurt you, stress you out, and the anxiety that you did something wrong to change things would creep you out. However, then again one day, you’ll receive another text from them and you’ll realise that they’re the same person they were before. Nothing’s changed there.

So it’s okay, let that change come. Learn not to prioritise anyone more than yourself. Focus on your life! Because in the end you’ve got to realise that people do change. And there’s absolutely nothing that one can do to stop that.

Domestic Violence!

I couldn’t find the right words to start this post. Just some time ago, a friend shared an incident he was a witness to while at the hospital. A women had come in for dressing and her husband was asking about the medicines from the nurse that his wife needed. Nothing wrong here. Looks absolutely normal. But when the time comes to leave, his wife is reluctant to go. Scared, with tears in her eyes, might also have been shivering. She eyes him, with something in her stare that many would not have noticed or taken the time to notice. At first glance, everything looks normal, but is it?

No. Because when my friend enquired from the nurse, she said something that would make any normal person’s blood boil! The women had confided in the nurse that she had had a fight with her husband and in his rage, he had taken up the scissors and attacked her, consequently injuring her ear! And after that, he had the audacity to brush it off by saying that she had fallen down.

Of course, she went back home with him. But she was scared, I know she was. Every moment that she spends with him, she is going to be in fear. Afraid of what he would do the next time she tried to say anything not in tune with his thoughts.

This is not a lone incident of abuse or domestic violence. We’ve all seen or heard about such things in our day to day life. It happens everywhere, to everyone, irrespective of race, caste, creed or colour. Some of the incidents are not even reported. Also, it’s not something that happens only with women. Yes, many men are also victims of violence, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too.

Being in a relationship, living with someone we decide to share our life with, how can we be so easy going about hurting the other person to such an extent that instills fear in them? Why is it so easy for people to channel their anger or resentment towards someone by being violent? How is this ever justified? And why are we, as a society, not ready to take steps to eradicate such cases of violence? I wonder why the nurse didn’t inform somebody or call the police when the women told her what had happened. Okay, the women might have gone back on her word. But there could have been other ways too for her to show the man that this wasn’t acceptable. I am also not going to sympathize with the women. Because what’s the point? Anything that happens with her next will be because she allowed herself be taken back, showing him that no matter what, she’ll be there with him, in the same house, the very same room and he can go on treating her like a thing to use, the way he wants. The fact that many women who are victims of domestic violence almost always return back to the perpetrator of the violence is something very disturbing. How do you help someone who’s not ready to make an effort to help themselves?

But here’s the twist: It’s never easy getting out of an abusive relationship.

Usually when we see someone who’s stuck with an abuser, the first question that comes to our mind is “why did she stay?”. The answer to this question can be easily understood through this talk titled “Why domestic violence victims don’t leave” by Leslie Morgan At TEDx. It can be seen on the following link:

https://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave?language=en&utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

Morgan shares her own story of abuse and violence. She explains how it’s never easy for a victim to get out of an abusive relationship, how the hope of things getting better, or the old memories or even love and affection of the past can hold you down. The abuser might even create such situations where the victim might not even feel or realise that what they’re facing is abuse.

Despite what had happened, I was sure we were going to live happily ever after, because I loved him, and he loved me so much. And he was very, very sorry.

The fact is, it’s important to recognise the pattern of abuse. It’s important to understand that if your partner hits you once, he might hit you again. No matter how much he apologies, no matter how much trust and faith you might have on them, it’s necessary that you put your foot down the first time such a thing happens and make it clear that violence or abuse is absolutely not acceptable. When in a relationship, one is not inferior or superior to the other. Being together is about realising the fact that you’re both equal, and if one of you is considerate and compassionate towards the other, the same has to be reciprocated.

Along with this, it’s equally important to never remain silent when you or someone else around you faces abuse. Being silent, you provide the perpetrator leverage to continue doing what they’re best at: muting voices behind closed doors!