Nothing better than giving up!

Do you know what’s hard?

Going on. Getting up after you’ve fallen down, taking that first step forward. Sometimes, when life get’s tough, the easy way out would be to stop, never moving, never trying anymore. It’ll not cause you any pain, there would be no heartbreak to look forward to. Therefore, you won’t have any hopes or expectations of a better tomorrow. But getting up, willing yourself to dream of a new life, one that’s better than the life you’re living today is always hard. It’s painful to go on, it hurts to hope again when all that you’ve faced are failures. The sacrifices you make, the pain that you go through, the broken dreams, all of these can never be faced again. Going through it all is enough for once. There’s no need to move forward, right? It’ll be better to stay down, to never get up, to never hope of a future that’s different.

Ever seen a candle? What does it do? It only melts away, sacrificing itself for lightening the path of so many. It only wastes away for leading someone else. Maybe it ought to have been a little selfish, saved itself from the pain of being lighted again, should have gotten a little stubborn and not burnt again. Wouldn’t that be easy? Not having to go through the pain of burning for someone else. Then it could peacefully stay still, doing nothing, staying away from all harm, leading a quiet life.

But do you know what’s harder?

The regret that follows. The regret of having stayed at the same place for years. For not having tried, for not having moved ahead, for not having a little hope. How do you justify when your heart questions, “What if you had tried a little more? What if things had turned out to be different the next time you got up? What if you missed out on the good times that you could have had just because you didn’t get up after falling down? What if what you always dreamt for was just in sight, waiting for you to make an effort and reach out?” This is what’s harder than moving on. The endless list of what ifs“.

Life’s not meant to be at a single point. It’s about moving on. The candle that burns away gives light to all, that’s what it is meant for. That’s the purpose for its existence. Even when the wind blows it off, it lights again. All it needs is a little more effort. Same is with us. The difficulties that we face, the pain that we go through, can get us down. But staying low, never getting up, afraid of the pain to return is not what we are here for. Life demands that one get’s up, with a new hope, a new strength to move on, to make a new effort. Only then can we leave behind a life that’s different than the one we were leading earlier. Only then, can we make our lives better. Consequently, only then, can we grow!

What goes on in a man’s mind?

We’ve all heard the saying, men are from Mars and women from Venus! This statement is based on the fact that men and women are basically different. The difference is not only gender based, but also in the way their minds work. I being a women/ lady, will not be deciphering the mind of my gender, but that of the opposite sex!

  • First things first, all men are not alike! They don’t think the same thing. Yup, you read that right! If you have had the mis-fortune of meeting a man who’s a creep and has only one thing (guess what?) on his mind when meeting a girl, you might feel that the very next man you meet might be the same. Well, that’s not really true. Okay, even if you meet three or four men back to back with the same thing on their mind (you’ve guessed it, right?), that does not mean that the next one will be craving it too!
  • In-built protectors! Yup, okay, again this might not involve the whole lot of them, but majority of the men out there, if with a girl or a women by their side, will instantly turn into ninja mode if they detect any danger lurking nearby. Their minds just work that way, they want to show you that you’ll be safe with them no matter what! They might also be doing this to charm you, ladies! 😎
  • All men, and remember ALL (no exceptions here) are scared of women drivers. They are all of the same opinion that women can’t drive. 🙄 See how all the jokes about bad driving are made on women. Because a man made them, and all men enjoy hearing them!

  • Men are not multi-functional. They’ll only be able to focus on one thing at a time. Give them a lot of things to do together and BAM! You’ll find your house turned to rubble!
  • They love saving money! Love saving money, so won’t buy unnecessary things! Also, unlike us, they’ll not buy things depending on their cuteness quotient.

  • Men never disclose how they feel! They are not all made of stone or tough or cold. They’ll have lots of things going on in their minds, yet won’t show you their soft side. They’ll never get weak or cry! Let’s just say that they are better at hiding their emotions.
  • They can never remember dates! Be it birthdays, anniversaries, special events, you can be sure that they’ll forget it soon enough.
  • Are never jealous if see another man wearing the same clothes. Probably might go and compliment the other on his fashion sense.
  • Love spending time with their friends (without their girlfriends/wives). Most do, others are just scared to annoy their better half or bring on her darker side! 😄

Having said this, let’s also not forget that Men go out of their way to make their families happy and look after their every need. They won’t show it, but feel things on a deeper level. But definitely, are an entirely different breed!

How the memories haunt me!

As I sit staring at the wall today, the urge to get up and go on with the day’s work gets more and more feeble. I feel like there’s no strength left in me, like the muscles of my body have gone numb, I seem to have lost the sensation of blood flowing through my veins. The weight of hope, aspirations, dreams crush me down, and I cannot will myself to fight the weight anymore.

As I sit here, lost in the days bygone of happy thoughts, I feel the memories haunt me much more than they would have otherwise done. It feels like all the wounds of that wonderful past that were once healed have open up again, and the memories do nothing to soothe them. The wounds feel raw and fresh, arising in me the urge to plunge back to that past, so different from this present, the urge gets stronger, so much so, that it threatens to pull me deeper into the black abyss of nothingness.

As I sit here, alone, I have no desire to speak, to see, to feel. All I do is listen, listen to the voices around me. Dimmer at first, they grow louder, their frequency increasing. I can hear the birds chirping outside, the vibration in the clouds caused by airplanes flying by, the sound of the honk of a car before making a blind turn, the voices of children laughing and playing, the footsteps of someone climbing the stairs, vehicles passing by, the hooting of pigeons on a tree, a man peddling on his cart selling fruits. I can hear each sound distinctly, yet they hold no meaning for me, they give me no hope, no desire.

Today, I have lost my Hope again. As I sit here, away from the realm of the world, I feel close to the memories that would drown me. It feels as if a curtain has fallen, separating me from the now to the then. The present feels lost, bygone, without hope, a stranger. It’s the past that holds me, that raises in me a current so strong that I feel will flow me away, there’s nothing to stop the flow, pictures flashing by, making me relish the time I’ve lost, taking away the one’s that can never return. And in them I find hope, in them I see the strength that I feel has left me, it’s as if they are pushing me forward, making me stronger, taking hold of my life, giving me the meaning to go on, making me realise that my work is not yet over, making the blood flow back into my feeble body, returning the strength of my muscles, sending down sensation through my spine, and suddenly my head hurts, I can feel my arms, numbness flowing away, and the urge to get up and move about is so sudden that it hurts, the ache in my body grows, and as I get up from my feeble stupor, I realise that my time is not yet up!

The memories of the past, the crushed dreams, the lost hope will forever be there, but to let them take control of my life, of my body will only diminsh my today. I feel fresh, as if reawakened, like a phoenix reborn.

Forgiveness

I was going through the instagram page of Humans of New York (or HNY) today when I came across this post, wherein HNY shared the story of Mr. Paul Kagame, President of Rwanda and Chairperson of the African Union. This was in continuation to the series of personal stories of people from Rwanda, who had witnessed the genocide or the mass slaughter of Tutsi’s during the Rwandan Civil War which started in 1990. The story can be viewed on the following link:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BpXWL68AEdz/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1852j4jbl0dn

Mr. Kagame said, and I quote “but we can’t imprison an entire nation. So forgiveness is the only path forward. Survivors were asked to forgive and forget.

If you go through the entire series on HNY, you’ll see the condition in which people were left to live during that time, the way families were torn apart, men, women & children killed, how neighbours who had lived in harmony for years, turned on each other, the agony or the feeling of helplessness millions had known. It’s heart wrenching. It was something similar to what had happened during the time of Adolf Hitler.

These unknown people coming forward to share their stories of horror that marred their lives bears testimony to the fact that we, as humans have failed to show love, compassion and above all humanity to our counterparts.

Yet, when the genocide ended, the survivors were asked to forgive and forget. Millions killed, unknown people lost, families divided, yet in the end we ask those who had lost their entire life to the hands of a few who had failed to consider them as equals, for forgiveness. It’s not easy. It never will be. How do you forgive the lapse of humanity that millions faced? How does one forget all that happened? How do we find the strength to go on?

But in the end, that’s all that we can do. It’s never easy forgiving people when they hurt us, but we do so. We forgive our friends, our family, our colleagues for hurting us even for something trivial. Because we know that one cannot go on hating the other person. The pain and the agony of that hatred hurts us the most. The weight of that past dawns on us much more than it does on the perpetrator of the crime.

As I write this, I am reminded of an old story “How heavy are your potatoes“. It’s a good read on how our hatred and anger for someone else only hurts us more in the end. It’s like suffering twice: first, when the other person did something to hurt us and second, when we decided to hurt ourselves by keeping the pain alive in our heart, unable to forgive them.

We can never forget what happened, nor can we let go of the brutal past, but we need to forgive the perpetrators, for the sake of our peace of mind, our development and growth, and also because only through forgiveness can we ever will ourselves to show love and compassion to others that we were bereft of.

As Jonathan Lockwood Huie rightly said, “forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace“. I really hope and pray that whilst we do not forget the pain and suffering that millions faced and face even today all around the world due to their race, caste and gender, we do find the strength to go on in life by forgiving others as much as we might forgive ourselves!